Hwasin: Controller of the Heart
[Is love a battle?! How to take the control in your relationship?]
I'll kill you.
- I thought I was worthy - Stop this!
[Masters in talking bluntly]
Kissing wherever you want.
I think I might be good at kissing.
[Masters of physical affection]
'How come you haven't done it?' My first love was..
My real name is Pil Soon.
[Masters of innocence]
I am just dying to know more!
[We'll tell you about it now!]
What couples are really thinking and feeling in Korea.
Yes, we help you close the gap between men and women.
For communication and compathy, Hwasin!
I hear that women spent the total of three years of their lives shopping.
You know how men glance at women like this, right?
Men spend a year of their life span doing that.
Men spend a year secretly glancing at women and 10 years looking out in the open.
I read this article published in the newspaper.
They compared nurses homes in America that are unisex and ones that are not.
The people who lived in co-ed nursing homes lived 5 years longer than the other.
The elderly ladies preened themselves when it was time to take a group photo.
In times like that, their bodies were creating endorphins.
True. We see a lot of men like that in the army.
But the one's that aren't unisex, they don't want to be photographed.
- Right. - Yeah.
Out of these men today, which do you find yourself glancing at?
Every one of them.
I am looking at them like this.
Take your time and --
I am looking at them as if I am looking at my own grandchildren.
That's a flat out lie.
I told you I don't have any ulterior motive.
You know, we have everyone who's a teenager to someone who's in her seventies.
So I think we'll get to many great stories today.
- Are you in your seventies? - Pardon?
[Hard to believe..!]
It's a little embarrassing to hear that.
Rather than calling you someone in her seventies, let's say you were born in 1937.
Shoo, shoo!
- That's embarrassing to hear someone say. - Changing my age like that.
By the way, she thinks Jay is a teenager.
- Aren't you? - No, I am 27 years old.
[Oh my!]
Looks so young.
- Si Wan, how old are you? - I am 26 years old.
[Oh my, my, my, my]
Dong Wook here isn't even 50 years old years yet.
[Are you really in your fifties?]
- How old do I look to you? - You're in your thirties?
By the way, is 'Philip' your real name?
Oh... my real... name is Choi Phil Soon.
[Oh...]
That's his real name.
When I heard his name I thought...
'Is he an ethnic Korean?'
Jay asked me, 'Are you an ethnic Korean?'
I replied, 'I am... from Jeonongdong in Seoul.
He is Choi Phil Soon from Jeonongdong.
The one beside Cheongnyangni? Yes, yes.
I am still living there as well.
'Phil Soon, you!'
I noticed that... Dong Wook has decided to go for it and opened it up.
No, I haven't opened it up.
- Wait, wait. - Did you rip out the buttons?
It's making me glance at it too.
[A man of devilish attractiveness]
- Is this your first time appearing on a talk show? - Yes, it is my first time.
How come you haven't made any appearance on talk shows?
Rather than not appearing on talk show...
A guy who looks like me... may not be good fit for TV...
If you read a daily newspaper on July 17 of 2002
'I'll never go on a talk show,' he said.
'I am going to be a singer who is evaluated only for my singing skills.'
That's something really impressive.
Let's evaluate his talking skills today...
In your perspective, Dong Wook
can we say that you're here today because of your talented singing skills?
My singing skills... I'll continued to get evaluated for my singing.
He's so good, sings so well. I enjoy his singing so much.
Oh, thank you.
His voice is hard to find in Korea.
He is the king of OSTs.
Desperate Men, Scent of Men, Lovers in Paris.
Love and Ambition. Scent of Women.
Recently, Queen of Ambition.
Since we are talking about it, could we hear a measure of your song?
Please sing for us three girl fans.
[Foolish Love (Desperate Men OST)]
[Sweet voice]
That gave me goosebumps.
He has the voice that many people want, especially men.
By the way, do you know?
Kim Young Ok started her career as an announcer and a voice actress.
She was a voice actress for every popular animation in our time.
Like Robot Taekwon V.
You just need to use a female's voice.
'Hey, Soo Mi,' like this should just say it but people try to sound like him.
'Jong Shin, I'll kill you,' you just say it like that.
I remember kids clapping joyfully and the theater was packed. I visited later on.
- And Maruchi and Arachi as well. - I did a voice for Maruchi and Arachi as well.
- More than that, Marine Boy. - Oh, Marine Boy.
[Guys in their forties sing the theme song]
- That one. - We used to watch that.
You did it before two of them were born, right?
Yes, that's right.
So they have no idea...
[This is Young Ok's voice]
[She did the voice of our hero in Robot Taekwon V!]
I did so many animations.
Because I did so many of them, I think it paid for a pillar of our house, no...
I am sure a pillar for a broadcasting company was paid for by that.
[What's today's theme that we discuss with these great individuals?]
They changed the history in the Mediterranean, Cleopatra and Caesar.
They drove Tang Dynasty into chaos, Yang Gwi Bi and Emperor Hyun Jong.
They left a huge impact in the history of Joseon Dynasty, Jang Hi Bi and King Sook Jong.
They enraged the entire Korea in 2013, Ju Da Hae and Ha Ryu.
Love truly is the most fierce battle of all.
That which decides the outcome of that battle is dominance.
15,237 Korean men and women participated in the survey.
How to establish dominance. Hwashin will tell you how today.
Today's issue, ' Love is a battle. How to gain dominance in your relationship.'
It's a question that 15,237 Koreans answered.
Establishing dominance doesn't mean trying to have power over the other person.
It means who and how one takes the lead in the relationship.
It might have been a long time but can you think back to that time?
I have a tendency to see through things very quickly.
When it's not it, I stop resisting pretty quickly as well.
When it's clear it can't be changed, I'm impatient so I give up fast.
I married in June but a friend saw my husband swimming with other women in August.
[My husband swimming with another woman...?]
A friend called and told me that she saw him swimming with another woman.
Yes, yes, yes.
I was three months pregnant at the time.
When he came home, he was completely tanned all over his body.
- So it was true? - Yes, because I was so angry
I hit him in the back with a fly swatter.
'My friend saw you swimming with another woman,' I told him.
My husband is very funny. He's witty like you, Dong Yup.
I was started to hear that he was swimming with another woman when I was pregnant.
You are going through pregnancy too.
I was ready to end it because I couldn't understand it.
And he tells me
[Her husband told her what?!!]
He said he is going to go swim tomorrow too so hit him in the legs instead.
He forced to laugh.
He said he's going tomorrow too so hit him in the legs instead.
In the middle of hitting him there, it just made laugh out loud.
- Why were he swimming that day? - What was the truth behind swimming?
He was playing with other women there.
You shouldn't laugh but it made you laugh, right?
It made me laugh.
Even when I'm in the middle of a huge fight, if something funny happens, I have to laugh.
You can't stop it once you catch the laughing bug.
That's the kind of situation men wish for.
They didn't teach it in the textbook but
it's against the rules to get angry again after you laugh.
- It is. - Like you lost the fight if your nose is bleeding.
They didn't teach it in school but --
When I feel like laughing... and when I want to laugh so bad
'Oh, my gosh. I need to go, so let's talk tomorrow,' I told him.
His mother stayed with us.
She told me as soon as we got back from honeymoon.
'It's going to be very tough on you.'
She told me he's pretty immature because he was the only child.
She was always on my side until she passed away.
She said, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Soo Mi. You're having a hard time because of my son.'
When I heard that I immediately realized that I should just let him do what he wants.
If I don't, I have to divorce him or die from frustrations.
So I need to accept that and find something to do.
- So you decided that early on. - I decided early on.
He... kept on acting that way until he was forty years old.
He matured when he turned forty.
Did he use shameless tactics to establish dominance in the relationship?
No, he wasn't being shameless but
I am sure he apologized afterwards.
No, he didn't apologize.
He doesn't apologize.
He just doesn't come home.
During winter, he went hunting. During summer, he went on scuba diving.
Did he really go swimming again after you hit him with a fly swatter?
He probably did.
When he takes a shower, he sings.
Something like that sweeps you off your feet.
'Last night my dad...'
I knew that his company was going to go bankrupt before the end of the month.
'How can he sing like that?'
In a crisis like that, how could he act that way.
I asked him after being married for 20 years.
'Honey, do you enjoy being alive that much? You feel like singing at a time like this?'
- 'Yes,' he answered. - 'Why,' I asked him.
'Because I have you,' he replied.
That's how he is.
How could you dislike someone like that?
But I saw him... smoking on our balcony at three in the morning.
He doesn't do it when others are watching.
'He worries about things too,' I found out that day.
- But now... - Yes, we sometimes use that too.
I go and do that when I think she might watch me.
Come on, people might believe it.
There was a time when there was a public curfew and he didn't come home.
At 12:10 in the morning, I thought, 'Oh, I wonder where he is...'
After the curfew was lifted and if he still wasn't home
I used to think, 'He probably went hunting with someone.'
But if he isn't home after twelve in the morning
'Oh my, did he have a heart attck while driving or something?' It worries me.
But nowadays, he comes home after sunset.
Let's try that one, then.
When I just let him do as he wants, I eventually became the top dog in the relationship.
He matured too.
But if I tried to win that battle at that time, we would have separated.
Okay, shall we check your answer?
'No nagging and let him do as he wants.'
Let's check the answer!
- It's in fifth place for women. - Oh, really?
Many people use this method.
Can you relate to it? How about you, Jay?
It happened in my first intimate relationship.
After a huge fight...
I got hit several times...
[She hit you...?!]
- She hit you? - Yes.
- Where? - I am sure she slapped him.
Yes, something like that.
What was the reason for that fight?
It's about when I was dating a girl in Korea for the first time.
She fell me for first.
After going out with her for months, I began to like her more.
If she didn't text or call me back, I would text and call her several times.
Whenever we fought, she didn't contact me and turned off her phone.
I was in total panic because of that.
Had no idea what to --
- You became obsessive. - Yes, I was obsessive.
- Doesn't being obsessive mean you lost the upper hand? - Yes, it is.
I used be...disgraceful like that.
- It makes you fall for her even more. - Yes, yes.
So whenever she wanted to break up with me
but she told me she changed her mind after a little while.
She changes her mind.
She only apologized to me two or three times for the year and a half we went out.
But I was always apologizing to her.
Wasn't this the most frequent saying, 'I'll be good.'
Yes, yes.
She told me, 'I can change,' many times.
At that time, I had no power for about a year and half.
I think Jay wouldn't be able to stand it if she hangs up on the phone or leaves in person, right?
I used to be like that. But now, that's how I behave.
I don't want to fight, so I do that.
In my case, when I have a fight with my girlfriend
I have to resolve it right after it happens.
Right on the spot?
For example, if we have a fight in the car, we have to go home after we resolve it.
But when there is an argument in the car, they get off the car after saying, 'I am going home!'
They try to get out of the car when it didn't even stop, right?
But I park the car so that she couldn't get out.
- So she can't open the door? - Yes.
Then we spent about four hours talking until she was no longer angry.
And eventually because she needed to go to the
bathroom and drink water, she apologized to me.
In my case, I need to hear that, whether she meant it or not, so that
I have a basis upon which I can talk about it next time we meet.
That's how you take the control.
It's like pee torturing.
Jay, what do you think about what he does?
Mm...I am not into kidnapping.
No, it's not kidnapping.
It's not kidnapping.
Kidnapper Choi Phil Soon!
When we get into a big argument...
I would... like her to leave me alone for a day.
Because I feel better after being alone
and that's when we can resume our conversation.
- But I am not into resolving it on the spot... - But when you resolve it on the spot
I think the number times we get into argument do decrease.
Because she knows that if we fight in the car, I won't let her go home.
In order to avoid that, she pretends that she isn't angry when she is.
When I was young and I fought with my boyfriend or my husband
I wished he wouldn't talk about it on the spot. It was killing me and I hated it.
I ddn't want him to do that at the time but I realized it was a good method.
So women wants --
I would like him to be that way now but he says nothing when he's angry
'Isn't this something bad,' and I felt worried.
But I wasn't like that when I was young.
- Dong Wook? - Me? In my case --
Do you try to gain the upper hand?
Thinking back, I think there were times when I unconsciously tried to gain the upper hand.
I wasn't trying to take it from her but
I wanted to take the lead so that I can make her mine.
- I remember that I used physical intimacy to... - Oh.
- You suddenly have a good glow. - No, no...
- Were you being tough? - I think she might have took it that way
because of how I look and my body size...
Even when I try to be gentle, I tend to come off rough.
So, are you tough when it comes to physical affection or do you do it often?
Ah... I know I can't even prove it but I think I am good at kissing.
Of course, there is no way to prove it anyway.
I know you are anxious to hear the full story but let's take the time to listen to it.
We need to start with kissing, Hee Sun.
So frustrating.
Then, I should talk more about it.
I think there was a mutual feeling of dislike toward each other in the beginning.
- So you didn't like each other? - Yes, I think to some degree.
When I met her, there were men around her.
Even though these men were just her friends
'Okay, she's always surrounded by men,' I thought.
I heard this later and her impression of me was...
I went on a TV show and a lot of people recognized me at the time.
I went to a party and women approached me to talk to me.
This was something that never happened before.
It's natural to have conversations with them, right?
But she looked at that and thought to herself
'He talks with so many women like that.'
'He was so busy glancing at women all around him,' she told me.
When I saw her at the party, I didn't dislike her as I did before because...
Even though it was a fancy party, she just wore a white t-shirt and jeans.
She doesn't have a glamorous body-line and she's short too.
I thought she was a lot prettier than other women who were dressed well.
So I asked for her phone number using work as an excuse
because I didn't know when I might get to talk to her again.
- So you felt an attraction to her at the party? - Yes, yes.
How about the physical affection...
Ah, physical affection?
[We are curious about that...]
Thinking I might be seen as an easy guy, after getting the number you want to call right away, right?
But I wanted to take some time before I call.
I remember that I took about a week before I called her.
- So you took time deliberately. - Yes.
I thought so much about calling her.
Men do that too?
- Men do that too. - Really?
We're very sensitive about when to call.
I've never heard about that.
I thought men make the phone call right away.
Most men call right way because they are so anxious to talk to her.
I was anxious to call as well. I felt that way everyday.
I was holding the phone and kept wondering to call her or not.
- So you fell for her that day. - That's right.
So I called her after waiting a week to ask her out.
That's how we went on a date.
I felt awkward about talking to her because I had feelings for her.
I am a good talker, you know?
- You are. - Pretty witty, too.
I think I am but the conversation kept coming to a halt.
I couldn't stand it because I felt so awkward
but I didn't want to have an awkward conversation.
She offered me to drive me home.
I didn't bring my own vehicle that day.
I thought, 'Okay, I might be able to get something going today.'
- Right. - She chose to drive you home, too.
If I offered her to drive her home
She might think, 'Isn't he trying to do something to me?'
- But she offered me to drive me home - Right.
I felt an naughty desire.
'Today could be the day.'
- So she drove you home and? - We were in the car.
We talked for quite a while because I felt comfortable talking in the car.
Because we were in a contained space.
While we were talking, all we could think about was that I wanted to kiss her.
You know, men are not good at find the timings for kissing.
We want to but not sure when is good time to do it.
We sat in the car which is a small space, and I am pretty agile for my body size too.
But I felt we were sitting pretty far away fom each other.
But it was only this far, right?
I was worried that she might move back if I move closer to kiss her.
- Right, anyone would think that. - I shouldn't think that.
'I should've just do as I wanted to,' I kept thinking this way.
There was one occasion where she had to move close to me to get something.
Like, like this.
I knew that was my chance.
- She was about this close to you. - That's when I held her shoulder.
I didn't hold her neck, I held her shoulder and got closer to her like this.
Re-enact it for us.
With Jong Shin?
[With... Jong Shin?]
She wanted to move back but I kissed her like this.
'You are forcing it on me.'
I was so worried she might say that, as well.
The important thing is whether she looks at you or turns away.
Was the conversation slowing down a bit?
The conversation was coming to a halt like the time we were at the cafe.
I think when the conversation feels awkward and out of place, that's when it's time to kiss.
If the conversation is going well, the focus is about the business on hand.
I think it's a little strange to kiss in the middle of laughing out loud together.
There are times when the two move away after the kiss.
True.
- There are times when it moves even further. - Right.
But it's strange for a woman to move toward him for the first kiss.
Right.
So she should stay like --
No, it's easy to tell. Look at this.
Let's say you hold her like this.
If you let go of her, she needs to move back like this, right?
If you let her go and if she stays still like this...
[Oh, you weren't holding me?]
No, that's right.
But how do you know that you are a good kisser?
Because when you kiss, you close your eyes, right?
Can you tell that when you look into her eyes?
I opened my eyes a little.
I saw she opened her eyes a little and noticed that her eyes became glassy.
Was she?
I am just dying to know more!
Afterwards, you two sat back into your seats, right? What was your first discussion?
I didn't know what to talk about, so I was wondering about that.
I wasn't about to make it our last date, I wanted to keep seeing her in the future.
Let's try getting out of the car without saying a word.
- Without saying anything. - Without saying anything.
He thought about all sorts of things.
I thought about so many things in that split second.
So I told her, 'I am going,' and I got out of the car.
- 'I am going.' - Yes.
- What did she say back? - She didn't say anything.
Later on, she told me what she was thinking at that moment.
'What kind of #$%& guy does he think he is?,' she thought.
'Leaving after kissing me and after making my heart pound like this?'
I walked toward music studio.
- Did you keep going out with her? - Yes, I keep going out with her afterwards.
What was interesting was that
next time we went out, she became more proactive about it.
When I didn't kiss her, she kept waiting in the car.
She wanted me to do something for her.
After the first kiss, I felt as if flowers were blossomed around her, she looked so pretty.
I wasn't disappointed, I felt she was more beautiful than usual.
Taking the lead by using physical affection.
Do you think that's how you gained the control of the relationship?
Yes, when I saw that her eyes became glassy...
What are we talking about...
Young Ok is looking at me like, 'I didn't know you were that kind of a person.'
You seem very startled to hear that.
- Yes, we are. - Doing that on the first date.
On the first date, kissing, without even drinking, in a car.
In our case, we had to get married after you kiss.
- Yes, that's true. - How it used to be.
Let's check your answer.
'Taking the control of the relationship using physical affection.'
Let's check the answer.
[11th place for men]
Si Wan, I hear many people say that you are born to be single.
I think you are going through a difficult time now because you set your TV
personality as someone who's never dated and never kissed when you debuted.
- Let's go with that, today. - Yes.
Or you come out here on the show today and say that you're sorry for lying.
I talked about it on air last year.
After that, it became my label and people kept asking, 'You still haven't dated?'
- Is it because you are not well or something? - Yes, there are people who ask me that question.
There are people who think that way as well.
- 26 years old is old is enough to marry. - Of course.
When a guy like him gets it going...
[Fire]
Do you have a fantasy about your first kiss?
Where and how you like to have your first kiss?
For me, it doesn't matter where I get to do it.
Doesn't matter where.
We are talking about taking the control of the relationship, right?
I don't have to have any control in the relationship, I just want to date someone.
Is there a special reason why you haven't been able to date?
I don't think I haven't been able to date.
It's just that I haven't had many opportunities...
People around me seem to feel that...
I haven't been able to date because there is something wrong with me.
Because of that, I get impatient as well.
Have your parents told you that you shouldn't date until you are old enough?
Actually, there was something like that.
I think my mom was quite strict about me dating.
Parents usually say
'Once you go to college, you can date and do anything you want.'
My mom tended to be like that.
You can be friends with females, right?
I met someone and got her phone number and she became a friend who happened to be a girl.
We were talking about something and we agreed to go buy a gift for my parents' anniversary.
- With your friend. - Yes, yes.
She said yes to it, so I bought a gift and I went home.
'Mom, I got this for you,' I told her.
Without even thinking about it
'I went to buy it with my friend who's a girl,' I said.
I didn't need to hide anything.
'Oh, my son is buying a gift for our anniversary. You're all grown up now.'
- You thought she would praise you. - Yes, I thought she would praise me for it.
I was hoping to hear that.
For my mom, it was about the fact that I went there with a girlfriend.
- She focused on it. - Yes.
'Who did you go with?'
She was like, 'So, you went on a date.'
When she said that to you... what were you thinking and feeling?
When you hear something like that, it makes you do more of it...
Yes, that's the human psychology.
She kept telling me constantly not to do it, even though I wasn't interested.
'Okay fine, I will never date,' that's what came to my mind.
So, I deleted my friend's phone number.
You cut off the sprout that could have grown bigger.
It's a strange way of being rebellious.
'Okay! Then... I will never date again.'
At this rate, 'I'll never date even when I am forty and fifty.
What does your mom say about you not having a girlfriend these days?
She's getting antsy about it now.
[Feeling worried that his son is single]
'Since you're a celebrity now, aren't there any girls you like?'
Now she's worried about it.
Is there someone you have feelings toward?
Someone that catches your attention.
[He does?]
When I look at Hee Sun, it's so...
Some men have it toward married woman.
Your mom might be even more worried now.
'Why have feelings for married woman...'
Your mom might get even more worried now.
- Is this a way of being rebellious, too? - No, no.
It's not something weird.
Since she told you not to like women, so you like married women.
When I look at Si Won, I think he's more handsome in person than on TV.
I have a new album out...
He started it by talking about the musical he's in, as well.
No, no, it's not to promote it.
When you release an album, you go on variety shows, right?
I was hoping to go on Hwasin.
You wanted to be on this show.
If he hasn't dated for 26 years, it's been so long since he hasn't dated.
You might lose your ability to be romantic. You really need to hurry up.
In order to make the opportunities that come to me worthwhile
I hope you don't talk about me being born to be single.
Let's make Hwasin the last time you talk about it.
Please tell it to every show host.
When Si Wan is a guest on your show, please don't talk about him being born to be single.
Yes.
If you start dating, hope you take the initiative and
make it public and say that you are dating a nice girl.
For sure, because I am asked that question every two days
it's confusing to say that I am dating one day and not the other.
He doesn't like being known as someone born to be single either.
Think of it like you are helping someone in dire need. Please help me.
It's great if you go to social gatherings often and meet someone there.
I wasn't going to those often but it was a coincidence --
- You didn't go to those often? - I am a bit old for that now.
Based on his personality, even if he starts dating now, I think he might have his first kiss next year...
He needs to start preparing now.
And he needs to get focused on kissing her on the first day?
- Yes, you need to focus on that. - Yes, you need that focus.
And always think about how to kiss her.
It will help you if you think about how you should kiss her.
You are worrying just too much. Don't worry about it.
And you are almost as old as he is, right?
Yes, yes.
Can you tell us about American style dating?
Not everyone is like that just because they live in America.
- It's pretty much the same. - People's lifestyles are alike.
Just because it's America, people aren't so much different from here.
A guy who lives in America is 26 years old and has never kissed anyone?
He can't be serious.
Okay, okay.
[Full of distrust]
He is so good looking. Someone like him... he could kiss anytime.
Wherever he goes and whoever he's with, he can kiss someone.
[For Si Wan who wants to start dating...]
I don't know too much about kissing but
I think Si Wan is telling the truth. I feel he is telling us the truth.
- But -- - He says it's true, and he says it's false.
[True or False]
In Si Wan's case, I think he may not yet know how to lead a woman even if she's interested in him.
In a case like that, when you feel the relationship has grown between you and her
- Go to Gangneung with her. - [Confused]
In Gangneung, their sliced raw fish is delicious. Eat some, then go sightseeing.
As a way to take good care of her... just sleep there overnight and come back.
But... if you do that, there are times when she becomes more physically intimate.
Then, she felt very shy so I had an experience where the control of the relationship came to me.
Being passive about physical intimacy, and letting her get closer to you.
That's a great idea!
It's different from what Dong Wook talked about but still it's about taking the lead using physical intimacy.
In his case, he went for physical intimacy.
In his case, he didn't go for it when he had a chance.
- Do you want to check it? - Want to check it?
'Taking control of the relationship by making the other person become physically intimate with you.'
Let's check the answer.
[11th place for men]
- 11th place for men. - Yes.
'I decide the level and the timing of physical intimacy.'
'No matter how much she wants it, sometimes I don't do it for her.'
There was a time when I tried to gain the upper hand in the relationship by using physical intimacy.
- Oh! - Really?
[You said you are single]
- Oh! - Really?
- You said you've never dated. - No.
- So physical intimacy only? - Yes.
You weren't dating but you expressed physical affection?
Wow, that's really intense. Good, tell us about that.
The person that I can call the first love of my life is... a teacher in my junior school.
Okay...
[I knew it...]
I felt like I fell in love at first sight.
- When you were young? - When I was young.
It was during 2002 World Cup for soccer.
I sent her a text, 'If I get a good grade on this test, let's go to cheer for Korea together.'
Actually, I had a naughty intention behind it.
If you watched people cheering for Korean team, when they score
- They hug. - They hug each other.
They do that, right? I was hoping for that.
In 2002 World Cup, there were many chances to hug because we went to the semi-final.
It was the year of hugging.
At the time, that's what I wanted.
In order to get a hug, I studied so hard and I got 100% on several exams.
As promised, we went to cheer for our national soccer team.
That's when... they played against Italy.
[Korea vs. Italy]
[The game that made everyone in the nation go wild]
[One of the best matches in 2002 World Cup]
Korea won!
It was important that we win but it was more important that we score goals.
- Right, so you can hug her. - Yes, yes.
But we were losing 1:0... near the end of the game.
At the date, it was myself, my teacher and another student.
- Your teacher in the middle? - Yes.
I was happy because there will be just the two of us.
Even then, you need to get what you came for, right?
So... when I... almost gave up on it...
- That's when Seol Ki Hyeon -- - Scored.
[He scored a dramatic tying goal!]
[Si Wan, I did it!]
I felt kind of shy...so I hugged my friend first.
It will look obvious if I hug her first, right?
I looked at my teacher and --
- Wait, wait, wait! - Let's re-enact.
Where was your teacher?
Let's say Hee Sun is your teacher.
We'll switch the seats.
Please be the announcer.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. He passes to Seol Ki Hyeon, Seol Ki Hyeon! Seol Ki Hyeon!
He shoots, scores!
[A half hug with his friend]
- I was going to hug her like this -- - Hug her.
[Mr. Yoon got too into it]
The important thing is, the important thing is...
The important thing is what she did.
She covered herself completely.
Like the defense for Italy.
I wanted this to happen.
I was hoping that we would give each other a big hug.
She was cheering and then closed herself like this.
She put on a defense.
- Dong Yup, you seat over there. - Yes, yes.
By the way, why do you think she did this?
She could have given you a hug.
She was worried that her breasts might touch you.
[A bombshell comment]
[She is the unstoppable master in talking bluntly]
No, that could really be the case.
Hugging an adolescent if she has big breasts, it's too...
And also you could have not looked at her as your teacher.
She knew what you were really thinking.
Right.
Are you physically intimate with him still?
Don't say that. You'll know when you live as long as I do.
What do you mean physical intimacy?
Do you...use the same bed or separate rooms?
No, no, we started using our own rooms when I was 63 or 64 years old.
Then, before that time, you were sharing the same room with --
Yes, we were. Of course, we shared physical intimacy. Are you kidding?
- Why are you getting serious about it? - Unless the man has some kind of problem.
In your case, did you... go through some... early in the marriage?
Anybody would go through that and I heard your marriage also went through a crisis?
I would like to recommend using separate rooms.
Using separate rooms doesn't mean...
When I was young, the adults used to tell me, 'Lovers' quarrels are soon mended.'
They said everything will be okay after a night's sleep.
Didn't they also tell you never to use separate rooms?
- No matter what happens -- - Sleep together, they said.
They told me to use the same bed.
After a big fight, when you feel like enemies sharing a bed and
when you hate any kind of touch, I think it would make things worse.
I think sleeping on separate beds gives me time to think if I did something wrong.
Spend some time hating him too and doing things like that and...
In my case, I used to do about 90% of the understanding for the two of us.
What happened back then?
When I read 'Myeong Shim Bo Gam'...
'Don't blame that someone's well is too deep when your well rope is too short,' it said.
'I am a good housewife, make a lot of money and look pretty too.'
'Why would he act that way when I lack nothing?' I thought a lot about that.
I deluded myself into thinking that I am a perfect woman.
So I decided to write down on paper things that I might be lacking and have shortage of.
When I wrote them down... I had about 20 of them.
- Your weaknesses? - My weaknesses.
- You're wise. - So, I...
When he came into my room, I chased him out because I had work the next day and that to a guy is...
- Those memories came back you. - They came back to me.
Before reading that book... I thought I was understanding.
By the way, are there items on that list that you still remember?
That I am blunt.
- You don't. - I am like a stick. I am pretty blunt.
Me too, me too.
I told myself that I am a good housewife and a good cook but my husband likes Seoul style dishes.
I alway prepared Jeonra style, salty and spicy foods.
Everyone else said they liked them...when my husband didn't, but I cooked that way.
It was so true. So, I decided not to work for two years.
I loosened up my schedule and decided to stay at home.
Because there wasn't anyone in the house, he wasn't coming home.
- You worked hard at it. - I did.
I even stopped working and stayed home.
I went on a trip with my husband and I asked, 'Why didn't you listen to me back then?'
'You were always bossing me around. You sounded like a teacher. I didn't like it.'
And... I was shocked to hear that.
I always heard his mom tell him in this way, 'So can you do that, Sweetie?'
but I was like, 'Can you?'
He told me that I talked to him in a tone of command and he didn't like it.
But people take such a long time to talk about things like that.
People talk about things like that after living together several decades, right?
It was after 35 years. I wrote it down in my journal that night.
I think he didn't realize what was happening exactly until around that time.
While living together, my husband has never got angry at me nor did he use a tone of voice.
He never nagged at me but
he never came home.
He doesn't say anything and doesn't come home. That's scarier.
It's better that he gets mad at you.
Because she married into a rich family that had everything set up...
she keeps saying how beautiful she is and...
[Explosion of blunt talks]
It seems she got married based on her fantasy.
No, actually I married him because he had a lot of money.
Because he had a lot of money, she didn't have to worry about anything.
She married him not knowing she will have a hard time because of him.
You said you wrote down a list of your weaknesses, right?
On that list, I wrote down, 'You really do have ugly looking feet.'
My feet really do look ugly but...
when I asked him to clip my toe nails, he did it for me.
I remembered that, too.
Si Wan, what's your weakness?
I think my weakness was that I don't take a good care of people around me.
Self-centered?
I learned something new when I was in 'Moon Embracing the Sun'.
Yeo Jin Gu was in that TV drama with me.
He is younger than me but he's someone who has a lot of experience in TV dramas.
It's the first time I ever worked with him.
I noticed that how he easily made friends with production staff and everyone else.
He's nine years old younger than me but I was really envious of him being able to do that.
This one episode had a huge impact on me.
After a filming and during a break, Jin Gu bought snacks and rice cakes for everyone.
One of the staff told Jin Gu
'Wow, Jin Gu, you really are a fine guy.'
It wasn't Jin Gu. It was Jin Gu's mom who paid for them.
But still...
Okay.
He was envious about it
because it makes the director and staff think more about Jin Gu
which makes them work harder when Jin Gu is in the scene.
That's what it means to have a good social life.
I think he's done something like that more than a couple of times.
He know how because he's done a lot of it.
Nobody dislikes the person who gives them gifts.
If he gave them rice cakes and snack, they would enjoy it
and even if Jin Gu makes a mistake
because they ate the snacks, they could be more lenient toward him.
That's what human relationship and social life is.
That's why I thought, 'Yes, that's it.'
So, after that day
I bought a big box of chocolates and handed them out to every staff I saw.
- Chocolate? - Yes, yes, yes.
I think it made the atmosphere of the set a lot better.
You thought that was your weakness but you changed it.
Having observed that, doing something like that himself means he's a supportive person.
How about our snacks?
[How about our snacks?]
It's not too late.
Si Wan is about to run out and get them.
If my manager is listening, can you...
Not in a superficial way, say it loud and clear.
Manager, please prepare some snacks for us.
Not just some chocolate but something --
He needs to get hard training like this so that he'll get to date and experience physical intimacies too.
I am worried he might change in a bad way.
I think I am learning a lot about life today.
What's your weakness, Jay?
That I am kind of distant and cold.
For example, I don't say 'I love you' to my parents.
On air, I say that I love my parents and I bought them a house
but I don't say that in person.
- Seems you're very shy. - Yes, yes, yes.
- If you're habituated that way, you can't. - Right.
- I think you expressed it quite a lot. - Me?
If my son bought me a house, it's means he loves me tons.
That's your language of love?
I prefer my son buying me a house over saying he loves me.
- You prefer house over words, right? - Of course.
Your mother passed away when you were young, right, Soo Mi?
When I was 18 years old...
So young...
The thing that I regret the most is that
I never told my parents "I love you, mom."
I never told her that, it just breaks my heart.
- It doesn't seem like much, right? - Doesn't seem like anything at all.
I am in a musical and its title is 'My Mom.'
Because my mom passed away so young, when I stand on that stage
for the second half, I think about my mom. The first half, I remember when my daughter got married.
This time the emotional side of my performance has gotten so much better.
Getting better as you age.
Others tell me and I also feel that I got better as if
I've been performing for ten years in a matter of a year.
I think that comes from personal experience.
[No matter how often you look at her and how much you miss her]
[Mom and daughter misses each other even more]
We think the same way about parents.
My parents passed away around 48 and 50 years old.
- So young... - No, when I was around that age.
They passed away when they were around 81 and 86 years old.
I became an orphan later in my life but
When I bought some delicious food for my mom
my mom was a very good storyteller
'What's the use bringing me food after I die. This is so delicious,' she told me.
I regret not doing that often enough.
When I call her, she said, 'How come you haven't called me in a week,' but I did call her a few days ago.
'I called you a few days ago,' I replied and she said, 'To me it feels like it's been a week.'
I regret so much that I didn't call her more often.
Not only that, when I said that I would like to give her bath, she said she hate that idea
but I regret that I didn't get to do it for her and I regret everything.
It's not about being good to your parents when you get a chance
but if you do it everyday, that's the best gift you can give to your parents.
My father also treats his parents very well.
When I observe my grandfather and grandmother, I often thought, 'A man needs to be like my grandfather.'
He was hospitalized because he became ill.
After my grandmother took care of him for a long while
she hit her head on the floor when she fell down coming out of a bathroom.
That happens to elderly ladies quite often.
Because of that my grandmother became like a baby, she doesn't recognize anyone.
- My gosh... - Yes, so...
She's on life support and able to blink her eyes.
My grandfather is so...
He is able to move around... but he's quite old.
When he forgets, he's by himself but he regains the clarity of his mind
he visits Grandmother and kisses her and says he loves her.
When I see that... I carry a photo of them together.
- Your grandmother and grandfather? - Yes.
Please give me a second.
Being close to your grandparents at 35 years old --
This is the photo.
My gosh! Look at this.
Oh my, my, kissing her on the forehead.
Look at him kissing on her forehead.
He used to be very strict before
After Grandmother went through this, she naturally became the focus of their relationship.
I think, if you are in love with that person, it's only right to hand
over the control of the relationship, no matter how old you get.
It's third place for men.
'When she's about to collapse due to struggle and stress, I offer words of encouragement and hug her.'
The focus of the relationship shifts like that.
You know, everyone goes through hard times, right?
I talked to Dong Yup on another TV program.
I told him that I am struggling.
- And he... - You told Dong Yup that?
And Dong Yup told me this:
'It's not a struggle. It could be one of the things you go through in life.'
There are times when you feel that you are the only person with the most hardships.
Simply put, he felt quite discouraged when he was on 'I Am A Singer.'
- Was it a good opportunity? - Yes, I did think it was a good opportunity for me.
[He went on a variety show]
[JK Kim Dong Wook became one step closer to the public]
I've never had anyone leave hateful comments.
It could meant that people were indifferent, as well.
But when I received praises and criticisms at the same time
I was very confused but
after I decided that this could be a chance for me to showcase my music
while there was an incident while I was on air...
I am sorry...
Oh, no!
[The singer stops the performance on his own!]
Since I broke the rule
I will take the responsibility...
and I'll drop out of the show.
When that happened, the people around me felt more sad about it than I did.
That made me upset more than anything else.
Did you forget the lyrics?
To be honest, they display lyrics all around you.
Prompters are all around them. Lyrics are displayed all over the place.
- He stopped singing because he didn't feel like it. - Yes...
I don't look at lyrics. I memorize them and I sing with my eyes closed.
I had trouble controlling my breathe and I thought if I could sing the song from the start again.
But I think it was a positive experience for me in the end.
I think JK Kim Dong Wook's singing career starts from now...
I am starting to have a hard time singing.
You probably went through the same thing. I debuted late in my twenties.
I was full of energy at the time.
I think I believed that I can just sing with my own strength even if I just woke up.
I was full of energy but
I don't think I lost that energy but as you probably know already
now I've become aware of the points in the song where it's time to
put an emphasize on it and when to relax due to lot of experiences performing on stage.
I gained the skill on how to sing
as a person who dated a lot learns how to date.
Everyone goes through so much hard times on their on way.
Everyone goes through a lot of failures and trials.
It's not so bad but at the time it feels like the weight of the world.
You may think everyone is watching you but that's not true.
People aren't that interested.
You might think you might be such a great person that's not always the case.
I watch several TV programs that are hosted by Dong Yup
I often think about you, Dong Yup. Because you failed a lot in your business ventures
I notice that he works so hard and his eyes shine bright.
[Second prime of his career]
When someone goes through something big, I think it makes him realize where he stands.
You went into business thinking that you want to make a lot of money. Are you still paying off the debts?
No, I've paid the most of it now...
He's doing seven or eight TV programs but he doesn't look tired at all.
- Because you went through something big. - Yes.
I think it makes you mature.
Yes, that's true.
In my case, I used to date someone who just loved to drink.
Now I tend to stay away from women who loves to drink.
- After that experience? - Yes.
'I change a little when I get drunk...' she told me.
- She told you in advance. - Yes...
So I thought, 'It can't be that bad,' but all of a sudden one day
she... started to swearing at me all of a sudden.
I thought she was talking to someone on the phone.
She was swearing at the space right in front of her.
'Where are you looking at,' she asked me so I looked at her and she was talking to me.
So I thought...
And she swears like that and starts to cry her eyes out and notice that there are tears on her palms.
Then, she wondered what just happened.
So she was switching back and forth.
Wait, wait, where did you meet this person?
Chatting websites used be popular...
Via chatting online?
It's a website named $%&#.
Seriously? Really?
- Via video chatting -- - I think he's only TV personality who made that public.
But it was before I debuted.
You really do look like Phil Soon to me now...
I was worried about her, so I asked her what she wanted to be in the future.
She told me it's her dream to own a small pub.
She would drink all day.
I thought it's a bad sign so...
'Why don't you have a seat,' she sat down.
'Put a hand on your heart.'
'I think, in my opinion, you need to love yourself,' I said to her.
Yes, self-love.
Let's say her name was Mi Young.
'Mi Young, how painful and sad has it been for you?'
'I will love you from now,' something like this.
I had her put her hand on her liver and
'Liver, I can't imagine how difficult has it been for you --'
Oh, that's how Hae Min sunim talks.
So I helped her adopt new ideas that
she should love herself and I love myself a lot as well.
'You should study,' I gave an advice and she registered herself to a private educational institute.
- She listened to you. - Yes, that's when...
I was just about to debut as a TV personality.
I wanted to tell her that I was casted for a TV drama and that it's time for us to end the relationship.
She came to meet me in a beautiful dress that she never wore before.
- Looking elegant. - She came dressed up elegantly.
'I think we need time apart because I might become too busy,' I said.
'Okay, Sweetie...' she told me and it was sad looking at her walk away.
After that day, I went to her home page when personal home pages were popular.
On that date, she left a note saying that this guy helped change her life
and that she took the special admission exam and passed it on that very day.
She wanted to tell me that and I felt bad that I asked to end the relationship.
After a long while, she did mission work and became a journalist.
Yes, she became a journalist and --
She did mission work and became a journalist for a Christian TV?
Yes, yes, and she...
became someone who's able to love others.
I checked out the photos and she took pictures with children in South America.
When I looked at those photos, I felt so honored.
You used a monk's healing method and she became a journalist for a Christian --
You should meet her again.
Yes, so... I remember quite a lot about her.
I am very thankful as well.
- She changed based on your advice. - Yes.
That's something lovable.
I still remember... I have a desire that everyone in this world becomes happy.
And I love nature as well. I want to do a lot of good works.
I want to help people realize how beautiful the world is and how lovable they really are.
And nobody came up with the answer yet.
What's the highest voted answer to the question of how to take the control of the relationship?
- Jay, why don't you give it a try. - I'll give it a try.
It's about my first love...
- How long were you dating her? - About a year and a half.
I went to America for vacation.
Back then, phoning her and texting her was too expensive for me.
So we stayed in touch via emails.
One day and out of blue, she sent me an email saying that we should break up.
We didn't fight or anything but she waned to break up with me.
I was in total panic.
The next day, she sent me another email that said we shouldn't break up.
- What? - What?
Playing hard to get? And because of that, I totally lost the control of the relationship.
That's how she did it.
How many times did it happen?
It happened via email only that time.
Whenever we have an argument, she often told me we should break up.
She wanted to break up and she said, 'No, let's start over.'
- Was she pretty? - To me, she was pretty.
Yes... because she was my first love... I was totally in love.
- First love... - Yes.
Because of her, my Korean got so much better.
I don't speak Korean well but I can send text messages faster than anyone.
If I get a text message that I don't understand
I asked what it meant and that's how I learned Korean quickly.
- You type text messages quickly. - Yes.
I could even go to a competition for that.
Because of how it was between them, he needed to send a text quickly as well.
'No... I am sorry.'
- Because you had to type them quickly... - He had to type it as fast as he could.
[Love changed my child]
How did you end it with her? Was it like... 'Let's end it.'
Because she wasn't into me, I called and sent her texts her everyday.
I used to bring the food she liked to her home so that she might change her mind.
- You relied a lot on her living in Korea. - Yes.
I had nobody but my girlfriend and she was the only one I could rely on.
- Is she the one who hit you? - Yes.
[Really?]
Oh my...
- He must liked her so much. - Women's intuition is just...
No, if you notice how she wanted to break up, get back together and hit him too.
She didn't know how to manage her emotions because she was young.
- Shall we? - Yes, using that answer.
- 'Playing hard to get.' - Yes, let's check the answer!
[First place for women]
It's on the first place for women.
He dated someone who's stereotypically in that category.
'Playing hard to get without an end to keep the tension alive in the relationship.'
For women, having the control of the relationship means winning her man's heart.
Yes, that's true.
Winning his heart means she's in control.
At the time, she was in total in control of Jay's heart.
Completely.
Even within a family, there is a battle for the control of the relationship, right?
Yes.
It can get serious between siblings, you know.
I have an older sister.
I was in competition who gets to use the computer with her.
- Who gets to use it. - Yes, yes, yes.
This one time I lost the control of the computer completely to her.
When... you... use a computer...
[Ah, that was it, k k]
He's not dating so he needs another an outlet.
Every male can relate to you.
It was around the time when a young man is hot-blooded, you know.
Of course.
A friend at school told me if I visit this website, I'll get to see a new world.
I downloaded a several of them.
As my friend told me, it opened a new world for me.
When I started watching it, one or two of it wasn't enough. So... that's when...
- I created a folder. - A folder for it.
When I make a new folder, I named it 'Woodpecker.'
My friends told me and they said
- if I use too many folders to place the videos -- - You may not find it easily?
- They said you might get caught easily. - That you might get caught?
Because most people use that method.
So I came up with my own method...
I made it look like they were resources for educational purposes. So I titled the folder 'Educational Resources.'
One folder was for math. There were 'Math 1, Math 2.'
I named it like that but if you play them, it was more like biology.
- Biology and PE combined. - Yes.
So I thought I won't get caught. And nothing happened for a while.
What grade were you in?
I was in high school.
I am worried that hearing this might break Hee Sun's fantasy about me.
Hee Sun likes you but not so much that she would have fantasies about you.
I was... going to get... a drink of water one night.
I happened to overhear my sister telling Mom that I might be watching that stuff.
I realized that she pretended not to know when she did.
When I thought about it and
I noticed that the way she asked me to use the computer was
she had an air of confidence that said that she's entitled to use the computer.
She was so confident about it.
Because she asked me that way, I just let her use the computer.
- So... - She took the control.
Upon realizing that she knew...
After that night, I deleted them all.
I deleted the videos right after watching them.
Let's guess the first place for men.
Okay, I'll give you a hint.
Yes, mm....
Seriously...
[MC Hee Sun gives a hint]
[What was that?]
- That was a hint. - It was a hint.
I think I know.
- Getting angry. - Checking the answer.
You don't usually get angry but go, 'Why don't you stop doing that?'
Like saying, 'We won't do it if I say we won't!'
'I act in a tender way usually except for when it's time to
make decisions, I roar in a manly way and act decisively.'
- Yes, let's check the answer. - Let's check the answer.
[First place for men]
[I say accept everything from her except for when it's time
make big decision and I assert myself in a very angry manner.'
When he acts this way, I do feel he is sexy sometimes.
- Show us. - Me?
'Let's stop doing that...'
- Try and get really angry here. - 'Let's stop this!'
For men, being in control means having the power to make decisions.
For women, it's about winning her man's heart.
I think being in control doesn't mean winning and
losing but another way to say following and leading.
Honey, enjoy your control of our relationship as long as you lead me well, as much as you want.
[Next week's Hwasin]
Is Hwasin my show?
If you don't get good ratings when you have us as guests, the show needs to end.
You and you get out. You say him and her!
My Hae Jin doesn't do that.
You go there.
- I thought you were leaving us -- - We'll edit it out.
[Next week, a completely transformed Hwasin is ready for you!]